12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
