When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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