Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
