my sisters under your porch take her home
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My breasts were aching with rage.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
