Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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