i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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