i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
