My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
