did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
