tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
