Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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