He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
