i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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