So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
