shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
