Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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