guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
