It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
