it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
last night I used snow as a chaser
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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