Cold hands, warm shart.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
