3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MIDGETS
????
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
