i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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