At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
