and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
