I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
