Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
