I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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