at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
