why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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