I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
