I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
