we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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