yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
