In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
