My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
