She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
