My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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