I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How naked do you want me to be?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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