I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
