It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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