oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
