Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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