I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My breasts were aching with rage.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
