also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
