I can text with my tongue
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
