I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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