3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
