I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
someone owes me an orgasm
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
