The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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