Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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