chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
