Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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