i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
