All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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