And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
