we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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