I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
