I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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