Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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