So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
