I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She bit a glass in half.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
