But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
