Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
