so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
