I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize